Last week I had a transforming conversation with my friend. I was pouring out my heart to her about something that can happen in the future. I told her how anxious I was of that happening and then told her my plan of making sure that that thing does not happen.
And then she interrupted me, “Kristina, do you even hear yourself?”
I blinked and color filled my face. What was really behind my words and my anxiety?
We had a long conversation about it and my friend really helped me to realize something very important.
I was anxious of something bad happening so I created a plan of how I will make sure it will not happen. But in that particular situation, the decision was not for me to make. It was for someone else to decide. And ultimately for God to decide.
I was being controlling.
To give you an example, I always had this vision for my fiancé and I doing online ministry full-time from home. He did not share the vision, but I still kept on pressuring him.
I could not understand how can anybody not like writing, making videos, and just working from home? That just sounds awesome to me!
And then I realized that not everyone is like me. And different people have different personalities, passions, and callings.
While James still wants to help with the online ministry, he is also an extrovert and so he needs to be around people. Plus he cannot imagine working from home and he also likes numbers and wants to use that in his job.
I cannot persuade anyone to do what I think would be best for them, because that might prevent them from doing what God thinks is best for them.
And the same goes for our future kids. When they grow up, we cannot be dictating what they should do. We can be good guides and mentors, but we cannot have them live by our agenda for their life instead of God’s agenda.
So now I am learning to be less controlling, especially about other people in my life. I am learning to give them to God in prayer and have a surrendered attitude about what God would want them to do with their life.
My hope is that this article provides you some perspective on being controlling and that maybe you can now also see areas in your life or people with whom you have been controlling too.
Let’s pray and ask God to help us be less controlling and have a more surrendered attitude!
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