Are You Being Controlling Without Realizing It?

Last week I had a transforming conversation with my friend. I was pouring out my heart to her about something that can happen in the future. I told her how anxious I was of that happening and then told her my plan of making sure that that thing does not happen.


And then she interrupted me, “Kristina, do you even hear yourself?”


I blinked and color filled my face. What was really behind my words and my anxiety?


We had a long conversation about it and my friend really helped me to realize something very important.


I was anxious of something bad happening so I created a plan of how I will make sure it will not happen. But in that particular situation, the decision was not for me to make. It was for someone else to decide. And ultimately for God to decide.


I was being controlling.


To give you an example, I always had this vision for my fiancé and I doing online ministry full-time from home. He did not share the vision, but I still kept on pressuring him.


I could not understand how can anybody not like writing, making videos, and just working from home? That just sounds awesome to me!


And then I realized that not everyone is like me. And different people have different personalities, passions, and callings.


While James still wants to help with the online ministry, he is also an extrovert and so he needs to be around people. Plus he cannot imagine working from home and he also likes numbers and wants to use that in his job.


I cannot persuade anyone to do what I think would be best for them, because that might prevent them from doing what God thinks is best for them.


And the same goes for our future kids. When they grow up, we cannot be dictating what they should do. We can be good guides and mentors, but we cannot have them live by our agenda for their life instead of God’s agenda.


So now I am learning to be less controlling, especially about other people in my life. I am learning to give them to God in prayer and have a surrendered attitude about what God would want them to do with their life.


My hope is that this article provides you some perspective on being controlling and that maybe you can now also see areas in your life or people with whom you have been controlling too.


Let’s pray and ask God to help us be less controlling and have a more surrendered attitude!


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  1. Thank you for this article. It made me think of my 17 year old son whom I think is so unhappy with life. Although he says he is fine, as all teenagers tell us. Lol
    I probably nag him all the time about school grades and get a job!! He says to quit babying him. Am I really doing that to him??? Should I just not say anything, American I suppose to hand these worries to God. My son is going in the military in another year after graduates not really by choice but feel it’s best for some much needed discipline and to find what he wants to do. Scared to death, we all know they break you down and maybe that’s what he needs to get all the things going on…you see His dad and I are both remarried and there is the step parent that most kids don’t like and feel not loved. Sorry, I just wanted to tell you great blog and WOW all this came out! Thank you!

    • Thank you for the compliments and for your honesty & willingness to share! I am not an expert in those things, but I think with teenagers that live under your roof there is still a place for telling them what to do. Of course not as much as when they were little, we have to let them make more choices on their own now. But as teenagers that live with their parents, they still are called to obey their parents. I remember in my teenage years, my parents sometimes had to make me do things that I did not want to do, but now I realize that I am grateful for them making me do those things back then, since those things were good for me. Hope that helps :)

  2. Thank you Kristina, it most certainly does help!
    Blessings to you !

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